What’s the first thing that came to mind when you read this word? Something sexual right? Love making, closeness, love etc, these are words a few people threw around when I asked them, with the common one being sex which I find interesting, primarily because this is indicative of how TV has influenced how we think and view some crucial things about how we relate to each other on a daily basis. There are many definitions of intimacy and even different types but people are mostly familiar with physical intimacy hence…sex. There is also mental and emotional intimacy, which is essentially a deep closeness where a person lets their guard down and trusts the other to hold them non-judgementally. It can also be the expression of affection which can also be non-romantic with a friend irrespective of gender and age; so yes you can have an intimate time with your grand mother.
Recently a friend of mine tagged me on instagram on a post which defined a concept I speak very often about in conversation which is mind sex. This page defined it as follows:
1.(n.) (v.) – The act of two people exchanging aspects of each other’s intellects – thoughts, perception, memory, emotion, will; imagination – far beyond a superficial level, executed though conversation. It is often characterised by intimacy, closeness and exclusivity between two persons.
2. To intellectually penetrate (or enter into) one’s mind/thoughts as if in sexual intercourse.
3. The mental version of sexual intercourse.
This reminds me of one of my all time favourite songs by Dead Prez titled, yes you guessed it “Mind Sex” and the chorus of the song goes “we could mind sex, we don’t have to take our clothes off yet, we can burn an incense and just chat relax let’s have a good conversation, before we make love let’s have a good conversation”. As I am sure you deduce the essence here is that mind sex a closeness between two minds in incredibly stimulating conversation, when last did you have it? In an age where good conversation is becoming extinct, those that can hold one are regarded as highly attractive. It is important for men to know that if they are not treating their women to such, they are in danger of losing key connections which discerning single men will take advantage of, yes my brother, if you are not doing this please be aware that there are brothers like me out here who will treat your woman to such haha! Jokes aside, intimacy is too often left to lovers and only to specific situations which is wrong. We should not fear intimacy, it should be part of what we do often with special people in our lives in various contexts, it really adds a richness to human interaction like nothing else. There is a G spot that exists in every mind that can only be reached with good conversation, there is no foreplay sexier than undressing the mind and you have not lived if you have not experienced this.
In this technological age, it seems being in the moment is fast becoming a thing of the past, I’ve seen people on a date with their heads buried deep in their phones texting away, an absolute travesty! Nothing ruins intimacy more than not being in the moment. Being in the moment, means switching off everything else besides that very moment, this includes your thoughts about other things, distractions like your phone etc and actively listening to the other person and responding intelligently. What are your thoughts though?
By Donald The Neosapien
Great read brother , these are things we need to remind ourselves when we in any relationship. “Live in the moment”
Agreed. The irony that is “social” media and how it’s affecting our society, it seems we are losing our social skills. Knowing people intimately is becoming more difficult.
I have found that I enjoy social gatherings of any kind where I am talking to people and not just trying to look busy or like I’m having a good time, in fact great convo, one-on-one or group discussions if people are really into it can be so great that one might not even have the mind or time to take a selfie or re-post, instead the closeness that would’ve been reached in that moment will be the reward.
I’ll stop myself here.
Ps: Refreshing read.
I read this twice. Okay , maybe lets make it an honest three.I was blown away at first mainly because when I read the title, the first thing that came to mind was as you say “something sexual”. I backtracked as aptly as you did as I remebered how the former can exist without the later and vice versa.
This took be back to my archives and I immediately thought of Shakespeare’s sonnet 116 “Let me not to the marriage of true minds” where he acknowledges the very same – the compelling quality of lovers having a true mind connection. In the same poem however Shakespeare uses a lot of negation to describe love “(Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,Or bends with the remover to remove)”which is what I have always found as fault with this poem. As much as I agree with you that intimacy involves deep, special,unique moments between two people and the negation of the physical “something sexual”, I think the two can co-exist, not in contradiction but complementary.One begets the other in most instances.It’s a case of “the chicken or the egg”.
I could write a novel on this. I like that it made me think about my own preferences and prejudices. Naarce!
I read this twice. Okay , maybe let’s make it an honest three. I was blown away at first mainly because when I read the title, the first thing that came to mind was as you say “something sexual”. I backtracked as aptly as you did as I remembered how the former can exist without the later and vice versa.
This took me back to my archives and I immediately thought of Shakespeare’s sonnet 116 “Let me not to the marriage of true minds” where he acknowledges the very same – the compelling quality of lovers having a true mind connection. In the same poem however Shakespeare uses a lot of negation to describe love “(Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove)”which is what I have always found as fault with this poem. As much as I agree with you that intimacy involves deep, special, unique moments between two people and the negation of the physical “something sexual”, I think the two can co-exist, not in contradiction but complementary. One begets the other in most instances. It’s a case of “the chicken or the egg”.
I completely understand and agree with you, they can absolutely co-exist infact I believe that that is how God intended it to be, for them to co-exist but we have since corrupted this ideal model fueled by selfishness and self-gratification. I also think it kinda sucks that sometimes, in order to understand what something is, we study its antithesis.
We are brainwashed by a lot of things in this day and age one of them being social sites a day without social sites makes us feel so empty a lot of us have become thief’s of words that we don’t even know how to use our or think with our minds being attracted to person’s mind then his/her looks is the most intimate thing any human should experience in life if I can’t switch off my phone to be intimate with God how can I understand the importance of giving someone else my full attention I’m spiritual empty
Brilliantly put, thank you for your words!