Pun-chy Thoughts

There is no “I” in team – but there are two in relationship.

Posted by on Jul 25, 2014 in Pun-chy thoughts | 0 comments

There is no 'I' in team - but there are two in relationship

by Donald Neosapien Mokgale

A relationship is a bond between two or more people. There are varying degrees of intimacy in relationships which dictate the type of relationship between the people involved i.e. friendship, lovers and family. The people involved in the relationship dictate the rules which govern the relationship; this means if respect, love, communication etc are things which are important to all the parties, they can put these as the foundation of their relationship but let us explore intimate relationships and juxtapose these with the other types.

In the case of a heterosexual one: it is composed of a male and female who are attracted to each other based on numerous and naturally subjective things such as looks, attributes, feelings etc. Let us look at the following scenario: Mr A meets with miss B and they become friends. Their friendship continues for a number of years and one day they discover that they are romantically attracted to each other or as time progresses they become attracted to each other. They decide to heighten the level of intimacy between them and become lovers. What I’ve discovered tends to happen in situations like these is that communication between the two people changes, perceptions change and they no longer speak about certain things nor do they speak about what they used to the way they used to. What causes this? Surely it is logical to presume that an intimate relationship should be a bonus seeing that the two got along so well before? Is it possible that society has constructed what intimate relationships should be like? And that most, if not all couples, unconsciously find themselves trying to follow this blueprint?

Families (atleast most of them) exercise agape, a Greek word which means unconditional love. ‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds ‘. I am raising this principle because I wish to know why we don’t apply it (those that don’t) in intimate/romantic relationships. What I have found tends to happen is that in intimate relationships, people only focus on phileo love which is emotional love. This type of love is one driven by emotion and feelings. This is the type of love that causes the butterflies in the stomach, the adrenalin rush, the ‘I miss you so much it hurts’, the “you complete me” type love, the ‘I don’t feel this anymore’ type love. Is it possible that society has made this love the penultimate love to have in an intimate relationship? How can one strike the balance between the two loves? Who is responsible for striking the balance? Is there a need to strike the balance at all?

Consider the following scenario: miss B has been in an intimate relationship with Mr A for over 4 years and their relationship is becoming predictable and it’s reaching a plateau. Miss B does not like the mundane turn their relationship has taken and Mr A is in his comfort zone and does not mind the state of things. From my perspective, the logical thing to do here is for both parties to talk about things (this should be initiated by miss B) as well as implement a solution that will be mutually favourable but of course things don’t always go so smoothly right? What I have found tends to happen in such situations is that miss B will talk to her friends and every other party about this instead of Mr A and of course if it happens that a Mr C comes along, miss B will even consider leaving the relationship. In such a situation (which occurs more often than government corruption) who is responsible for what? Is miss B supposed to do everything to ensure the relationship remains exciting for her or is that Mr A’s responsibility? What does the societal blueprint say about this? How do gender roles affect relationships if at all?

I am sure in most if not all questions you have answered that both parties should be responsible for everything concerning the relationship right? All relationships whether it’s between lovers, friends or family need to be reciprocal in order to function optimally. Even if the relationship only has one foundation that both parties have agreed upon such as love, if it is reciprocated, it will ensure a successful relationship. How many times have you ever put in more effort into a relationship than the other (s)? How has that made you feel? There is no ‘I’ in team but there are two in relationship because both parties are responsible for the relationship. This is an ideal concept that can only be made practical by those who are willing to, until then it will remain a utopian notion made for those who dwell on cloud 9 and feast on marshmallows for breakfast. It is the parties involved who should make the rules instead of presuming that everyone is on the same page about relationships.

The other day I had I was conversing with a lady who has been with her man for 4 years plus and I asked her what her expectations were in her relationship and to my surprise, she did not know. As a matter of fact, she had never discussed it with her man and my question became the catalyst which led her to talk to her man about such things. One would think such things would have been ironed out seeing that they have been together for so long, this led me to question, is it possible that society has constructed what relationships ‘should be like’ and we just follow like sheep? I certainly applaud her for taking decisive action after discovering a gap that needs filling which is taking responsibility. How are things done in your relationships? Does the other party know your expectations? Are they doing things in harmony with them? There is no I in team but there are certainly two in a relationship!

Performance – your set

Posted by on May 2, 2014 in Pun-chy thoughts | 0 comments

I recently had a show in Midrand at the Mzansi Poetry Evolution poetry session, gave a really good performance to a very intimate audience and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Intimate audiences usually give you the platform to be able to connect to everyone in the venue and which gives the poems more gravitas.

Next performance is Sunday the 4th of May in Newtown Kospotong at a show which starts at 13:00 and my set specifically is at 4pm. While busy prepping for my set, I came to realise the power of performance. Mind you I have been getting alot of inboxes from various people telling how excited they are about my set so the pressure I am under is immense. All sorts of thoughts are going through my head regarding my set, how many old poems to do (classics that have always been well received) and how many new poems (fresh content for avid fans who have seen enough of the old stuff) it is always a challenge putting together a set for a show as you cannot do it without considering your audience.

One thing is for sure, I will perform my heart out on Sunday!

 

Life’s funny dynamics

Posted by on Aug 13, 2013 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Life has certain dynamics which are funny when you really think about them. This post is dedicated to pointing some of these out, some are just funny in a haha sense and some in a weird sense but all of them somewhat remind me that life is truly a journey.

So at my home gym there is a homosexual cleaner who works there, now let me take this opportunity to state that I am not homophobic at all infact I am going somewhere with this (otherwise I wouldn’t just point out someone’s sexual orientation for no reason) and he cleans the male change rooms, showers etc and this means that he sees us butt naked. I actually felt sorry for him when I looked at this situation (permit me my obscure sense of empathy) as he is attracted to males so surely seeing them naked all the time must be somewhat torturous? That’s like a heterosexual male working as a cleaner in the female change rooms, I mean I would die!! The interesting dynamic here of course is the fact that he is male gender wise hence he cleans the male change rooms, so his sexual orientation is not considered by his employer, I am keen to know why and more importantly, how he feels about it.

Another noteworthy dynamic is office politics. We spend 8 hours a day for 5 days at work with a group of people whom we call colleagues, now I understand and at times recommend that we not be friends for professional reasons but we literally spend more time with them than we do our own family (excluding self employed guys whose offices are home) yet the amount of fights and back biting that occurs is unreal!! Why? Why? Why? I have seen colleagues oust others just to be ingratiated with the boss, gossip about each other yet smile in their faces, how is this behaviour logical? The crazy thing about it is, it does not matter how old you are, all age groups are involved and here I thought the older ones know better with experience and all; boy was I wrong!

Life is full of these weird and funny dynamics and I am veyr intrigued by them, please feel free to share ones you have picked up with me! Have a great week!

 

Yours Puntastically

Donald Neosapien Mokgale

Quotable motivation

Posted by on Aug 4, 2013 in Uncategorized | 6 comments

I have always loved reading potent quotes about life, Socrates, Platos, Shakespear, Steven Biko etc and I have always wanted to be one of the people that my peers quote because I genuinely believed I was profound enough to also say intelligent and wise things. So the below, are things I have said from 2010 to date, which I believe to be profound thoughts worthy to be quoted haha, quick disclaimer is some of these are just funny thoughts I felt were worthy of being repeated. Okay so here goes:

There is absolutely nothing more intriguing than a woman who thinks beyond what she will be wearing today…

you need a licence to drive any type of vehicle…but my life is driven by purpose…

Your background is exactly that, BACKground! It has nothing to do with your future so do not let your past hold you back!!

There is literally only one thing God can’t do…..and that is stop loving you.

Life does not cease because of a decision you make, the plants will continue to grow and whither whether or not you choose to move on or remain where you are.

I can no longer withstand one sided friendships, if you are not pulling your weight in our friendship then cheers.

Donald & Jesus sitting under a tree, speaking heavenly wisdom and disecting prophecy, first came salvation, then came the mission, then came eternity in God’s supervision!

The “better than nothing” mentality, although appreciative, may elude one to lower the standards using the premise that one must just be thankful. There is a fine line between accepting 2nd best and being thankful for the blessings God constantly showers upon us…strike the balance.

Did you know that bees didn’t know that they couldn’t fly? Eistein didn’t know he couldn’t be intelligent? In truth a lot of things are within our reach but because society says we can’t do it and sometimes because we believe we can’t do it…we end up incapable of doing it. I say, you can do it, you just need to believe it and ripleys will too.

Beware not to live life according to someone else’s expectations of who you should be, how you should speak or behave. Being yourself in a world that is constantly dictating who you should be is certainly something laudible! So I propose to protein shake toast to BEING YOURSELF!!!

At time we seek clean slates yet bring the same dirty minds that caused the filth in the first place. Work on the mind first! Move!

At times we date because we are afraid to be alone, afraid of facing ourselves, of answering questions like “who are you really? what are your dreams and goals? where do you want to be? why?” So we plunge ourselves into relationships so that our time is spent entertaining others instead of finding ourselves. We put energy into learning about the latest cars specs, movies, music yet we do not even know ourselves and where we are going…being single does not mean you are alone.

 

An artist is a brand

Posted by on Jul 29, 2013 in News | 3 comments

Whether you like it or not, the moment you are serious about your craft, especially as an artist, you become a brand because your name becomes associated with the great works you produce. The moment you realise this, you need to decide what your brand stands for, you need to work on how you position yourself as a brand in the market, what makes you different? Any marketing exposure builds your brand, all the online interviews, radio interviews, TV appearances, performances on live shows, conferences and even private functions like weddings and corporate events help to build your brand, hence this website, all part of being more professional in my craft and more proficient.

As an artist, it is easy to get lost in your brand, to focus more on the brand than on the craft, so this calls for a balance to be struck and one of the ways one can go about striking this balance is hiring a manager or doing it yourself. It calls for each artist to look at their needs and cater to them accordingly. There are other really brilliant artists that I have come across that I felt would absolutely kill a certain sector if they positioned themselves for it and ‘gouged’ up their brand accordingly so to speak, and I am talking about guys who have been doing this longer than I have yet remain known only in the poetry ‘industry’, it is really sad. I am hoping this blog entry will aid in waking some people up to upping their marketing game.

Can one be a full time poet in SA and make a living off it? This is a question I have been asked by a lot of magazines and the answer is  yes, it may not be a comfortable life though. To survive as a full time poet, you have to either have a lot of paying gigs constantly or have a lot of shows which you create and charge people to watch or better yet, both. So this means, that you work harder than other poets. This also boils down to your standard of living, I do not think you will be driving a sports car with a poet’s salary just yet, but it will eventually get there if you put in the work and the marketing every time.

In conclusion, every artist is a brand and every performance/product is a brand experience, how the artist packages and presents themselves determines how they are positioned in the market, so find your niche and do best!  God bless you guys.

A Presidential Affair!!!

Posted by on Jul 11, 2013 in News | 6 comments

WOW!!! Been given such an amazing and unreal opportunity: to perform before President Jacob Zuma and his guests on the 12th of July 2013…

I feel so humbled and uplifted by this blessing, words escape me… so, with that, I will simply say again, WOW!!!

Expanding Branding – Blaque Magazine

Posted by on Jul 11, 2013 in News | 0 comments

These are such exciting times for me!!! Not long ago I was interviewed for Blaque Magazine. That interview is now on the shelves in Blaque Magazine’s 5th Birthday Issue.

Click HERE to visit their site and click HERE to visit Phoenix Photography, the awesome guys that did the stunning photos used in the article and here on my site. definitely check them out, they ROCK!!!

Kaffein Online Magazine Interview

Posted by on Jul 11, 2013 in News | 0 comments

I was recently afforded the great opportunity to be interviewed by the awesome Kaffein Online Magazine. Click this link >>> HERE <<< to check it out!!!

New Website LIVE!!!

Posted by on Jul 11, 2013 in News | 0 comments

I am so proud and excited to announce and share my new website with you. Take a look around and enjoy a sampling of my work.

Make sure that you check back regularly to stay up to date with news, events and new content, which will be updated frequently.